Here

I lost the long forgotten sound of nothing.
Falling soft and clear,
I think I've found it here.

Each tick and tock are so indifferent to my plight.
Peace seems nowhere near,
I think I feel it here.

Breathe deep the thick and frosty air so fresh.
Awaken thoughts sincere!
Swell and flourish here!

This mural pierces lungs and warms the heart.
Crystallizing tears
That find solitude here.

Boughs hang as a canopy and powder my head.
Melt and disappear,
I am baptized here.

I lost the long forgotten sound of something.
Falling soft and clear,
I think I've found it here.

- 2008

Dear God...

tonight i choose to trust in You and all that You can do.
trust is not a feeling, it's a choice.
it's a lot like love in that way.
i give You my worries and You know every one of them.
help me to be thankful for every blessing and to use every opportunity.
help me to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about and praying for other people.
i give You all of my decisions.
my life can be complicated but i know that You can handle it.
thank You for Your grace and for the peace You provide.
i live in the now, and i trust You to take care of the future.

Amen.

Proverbs 3:5

Note to Self

So focused on figuring out who I am that I forget to remember WHOSE I am. It is by knowing who I belong to that my worth is established and my purpose set in place. Now I do not seek the approval of others but of Him, and in Him I gain the confidence I was failing to find within myself. I boast not of myself but of the One who made me.

i am loved, valuable, redeemable, unique, purposeful, and handcrafted by my Saviour.

Remember this.

thoughts...

there's nowhere I can go
nowhere I can run
except to You

i've wrestled for so long
fought against myself
about what i should do

and now I choose to listen
carefully unravelling
the plan You have for me

teach me in Your ways
direct me everyday
this is my destiny

too many decisions
things to think about
interests all confusing

calm the storm, clean the mess
in perfect timing You step in
just as i think i'm losing

right now i'm clouded
but my intuition guides me
in the right direction

i'm asking for Your wisdom
your guidance and your peace
Your grace and Your protection

i pray tonight...

Psalm 5

1 Give ear to my words, O LORD,
consider my sighing.

2 Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.

3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?...

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

I tried to study.

I tried to make an atmosphere in my room that would be conducive to studying my history textbook. I lit two candles, one with an uplifting vanilla scent, and dimmed the lights. I put on a play-list of classical piano and guitar music, including 'Moonlight Sonata'. I sat down, thrilled with the idea of being able to get work done comfortably. The candlelight was so beautiful. The flames flickering on the walls reminded me of campfires and the moody yet peaceful notes being played through my speakers took me to another world. Soon I was thinking about life - events in history in relation to the grand scale of time, the future, my hopes and fears - what is truth? what is time, really? I am going to have an adventure someday...or maybe I'm in an adventure but I don't realize it yet. Mmm, vanilla is such a good scent...I hear dishes clanging downstairs - somebody is making something to eat. What time is it anyway? Oh. It's been two hours since I sat down. I glance at my textbook. Sitting. Unopened and ignored. Oops.