Lost at Sea

I've been lost at sea.
Sometimes sailing off into the sun
On gentle waves to unknown blissful realms,
But then suddenly its a queasy and uncertain drift and
I am seasick from the turning of my thoughts and
Wondering where the wind will blow and
If I brought a rescue kit.

Maybe it's silly,
But my head and my heart hurt so bad.
I'm over-thunk and under-slept
My eyes are stiff and my gut is tight.
I guess this is what it feels like.

Back and forth my mind sways in happy sadness
Mindless feeling -- what is this?
To be so easily subdued, so mastered...
Pulled along by those invisible winds.

Stop. Anchor this ship.
Feelings aside, something's not right.

You say:
"Let's jump in."

And I could --
Because I have become vulnerable.
Attached to a friendship I really don't want to lose.
Before this I thought I was a rock.
But I am not made of stone like I thought.

Yes, I could float around till who knows when...

But I can't --
Because I need to find my course
And not be lost at sea anymore.